At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
