We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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