So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
