you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
