fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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