You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
