We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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