its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
