and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
