Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
