Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
