So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
