her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
