We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
