It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
