I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
