1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
