so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
