Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
