I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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