So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
