I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
