Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
