He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
