either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
