I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
