Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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