Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
