chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
