Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
