Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
