Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
