Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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