I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
They are going to name an STD after you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
