So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
