I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
