You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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