I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
