wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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