Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
3pm strippers are depressing
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
