I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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