im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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