Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
