seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
