it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
