You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he thought i was a dude.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
