we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
