just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
