the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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