I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
